Cut Short

I was at Renee and Byron's wedding with my mom when I heard the news from her. "Whitney Houston died."

What? She died? I have been surprised at how much it has affected me. I have spent the last 2 days listening to her music, watching The Bodyguard, reflecting on memories from my childhood when I would listen to her for hours and image being able to sing like that.

The power.

I have always been amazed by her voice. That never changed. I really loved her and her music. I loved the way she made me feel when she sang. It is so surreal. Magic. It breaks my heart that someone with such a gift was exposed to such toxicity via Bobby Brown. I truly believe he destroyed her. Sure, she has accountability, but it just proves how powerful outside influences can be. Whitney was pure magic, innocence, wholesomeness...and then she met Bobby. It went downhill from there. We are all susceptible to negative influences in our lives. I pray that Emme surrounds herself with positive, loving, uplifting people. I pray that she is not lured to do the uplifting, because it is so much easier to drag someone down than it is to lift them up. I hope she will believe me about this. If you want to lift people up, become a therapist, that way it is with parameters, and manageable.

I am sad that Emme will not know her in the same way I did. I am so grateful to be taking Emme to Las Vegas to see Celine. It is a blessing to be able to share a moment like that with her. Celine is right up there with Whitney, and to watch her music bring so much joy to Emme, it is just priceless.

Last night, we were watching the Grammy Awards. Well, she was running around chasing the cat and I was getting educated on every single artist nominated through my friends on Facebook. I was so lost, and really only watching for the tributes to Whitney. So all of the sudden, Emme comes up to me and asks if I like her new forehead. I didn't really notice anything different, but I had that feeling so I asked her if she had cut her hair. She said no. She walked off and I finished up in the kitchen, then headed to the bedroom expecting to see her there. Instead, I found her in the bathroom, on the floor staring into the mirror, scissors in hand, a clump of hair on the floor and completely denying cutting it.

I am glad I caught her before she whacked off too much. I love the look on her face though. Complete guilt.

Love Notes

Last night Emme mentioned that she had packed her lunch all by herself. I didn't really think much of it because I knew I had prepared her lunch already and was just needing to add the sandwich and the drink in the morning. So this morning when I opened her lunchbox to add to it, this is what I found:

She added chips, gummy snacks, a Valentine plate and this I <3 U note. There was Facebook speculation that it was intended for her boyfriend/husband, Brendan. It is so cute to hear her talk about him. She wants to make him a Valentine's Day card. She was telling me today that he likes to sit next to her at snack time and lunch time. He lies next to her at rest time and helps her clean up at lunch. So sweet. She said he is her friend and she loves him. Then she said she is the Princess, he is the Husband and they are going to live in a palace, one day.

Return to Love

I am going to try to blog again, more regularly. I keep up with Facebook and do my best to document for Emme so that someday she will have so much to reflect on, but it doesn't feel like it is enough and for that, I feel guilty. She gives me so much joy and happiness, and laughter, the least I can do is share some of those special moments in a blog that she will read someday.

So at the present time, we are looking forward to a trip. Where? Vegas baby! The ironic thing is, I hate to gamble. Well, if you hate to gamble, take a 5 year old to Vegas! We are going to see Celine, O and The Bee Gees.

So the first picture is her dress for Celine. Such fun! The second one is for the Bee Gees. I only hope that she enjoys the shows as much as I think she will.

As I sit here an write this, my precious child asleep next to me, I can't help but think about how quickly time is passing. It is always there, a nagging reminder. It pushes me at times to do more, appreciate more, slow down more. At other times it scares the Hell out of me and reminds me that one day, in the not so distant future, she will be all grown up. God how I will miss these days when she never shuts up and clings to me and wants to snuggle every night. I know my future self will read these words someday with tears and give anything to have tonight back. So, I will snuggle my little 5 year old. I will blog more. I will give her the gift of what her mommy thought and felt when she was a little girl. Just know, you mommy loved you more than words can possibly describe, and no, she can never stop loving you, no matter what.